My Last Semester of College Has Left Me Feeling Overwhelmed


So, way back in the beginning of the year, I started this blog and then fell off the face of the planet. It’s not because I’m one of those people that start things just to never finish them, although that’s been known to happen from time to time. No. I haven’t blogged because my life went from moving at a snail’s pace to New York City during fashion week and it has been very overwhelming.

I started a new job that requires more time than what I originally thought it would. I’m constantly bouncing between my apartment on campus and my mom’s house because my job is closer to her house and I work nights, mostly. This is sort of important because I don’t have a car, so taking public transportation at night in St. Louis—that’s a, “No, no honey!” I thought that I could balance it all because I am only taking 4 courses and I’m only working 20 hours a week, but it couldn’t. The constant strain of always having to do something and always having to be somewhere was driving me crazy.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of the fact that once I graduate I’ll (hopefully) enter the full-time workforce and you normally have to be somewhere, always doing something, 40 hours a week. And that’s cool. I’ll be fine with that because all I’ll be focused on is my job and maybe a personal writing project. I will not be focused on classes, homework, grades, assignments, work, work-related training and constantly commuting from the city to the county.

(Side note: Have you ever noticed how tired you become after traveling/commuting somewhere? Isn’t it strange? You’re not actively doing the moving, you’re usually sitting in a car/train/bus/boat and yet, you are usually tired afterward. I wonder why.)

Anyway, I graduate from college on May 13. I’m excited about that. I’ve been looking forward to that for years and although I’m unsure about what the future will hold when it comes to how useful my degree is I can honestly say I’m glad I did it. I tried getting a degree in Journalism but I just couldn’t do it. When I was in that program I looked forward to my German courses more than my courses related to my degree. Journalism is a degree field where there are guaranteed jobs, the jobs may not be guaranteed for YOU but they do exist. Film and jobs related to film have to be created in order for you to even attempt to get them. So, I became overwhelmed with the realization that I was getting a degree and getting into debt knowing that I could graduate and never use my degree. That’s a bit stressful. So I decided to get a day job or something I like to call: a practical job. I’m a Membership Service provider at a local YMCA.

I think people get so caught up in trying to work in their degree field when they graduate that they let months and sometimes years go by without getting a job. Sometimes, I feel like we should just swallow our pride and get a job, whether it’s in our degree field or not because it’s the responsible thing to do and we have things to pay for. If you don’t like your job or feel like you paid too much for your education to just let it go to waste, continue looking for a job in your degree field while you’re working your day job/practical job. Be smart. Be humble.

My classes are going fine. I took a self-defense class and although it was short and simple, I do feel safer. I feel like I’m aware of the techniques I could use to defend myself, disarm and disable an attacker, and also walk away from the fight. I’m taking two film studies courses and both of them are related to religion in one way or another…they’re interesting. And I’m doing my senior project. It’s a film about a girl who is dealing with survivor’s guilt after she survives the car crash that killed her sister. And I’m really behind in it. Like, I’ve never been this behind in a project in my life. I’m going to do a separate post on why and how I fell so far behind in that and some people will roll their eyes and think the reasons are stupid and some will truly get it. It’s hard being a creative person. Sure, I’m no painter—I’m a demi-god. I’m a writer and if you don’t think writers’ are demi-gods, answer me this: who else could create entire worlds using only their minds and have millions of people see them as well?

Anyway, if you read this to the end, thank you for letting me vent my frustrations.

If you’re a high school or college senior hit me up in the comment section and let me know what has you overwhelmed.

Also, a message for the people who have followed my blog: I see you and I love you. I will start posting more content; I just had to get my life together first. Plus, I’m going to do some traveling this summer so there will be plenty of posts about that and my post graduation activities.