I Finally Got My Diploma!!!!

<Breaks into happy old lady dance!>

sponge_bob_gifYes. It finally arrived. I’m so happy. If I’m being honest with myself, I actually got it about a week ago but I was still in Texas, so I actually couldn’t see it until I got home. And when I made it home and held it for the first time, I thought something was wrong with it. But I just got off the phone with a representative of my school and they basically told me that minors don’t normally go on the diploma unless they were part of an emphasis area. As long as it says I completed my minor on my official transcripts, it’s fine.

Now it’s time to go frame shopping.



The Election Messed With My Writing

Just a little heads-up: my personal political views are expressed in this post

Before the World Crashed and Burned

A while back, when I was going through all the craziness that was my senior year, I made a POST. In that post, I said that when I had the time, I would sit down and explain why I had fallen so far behind in my senior project. I feel like it’s important to note that I’m a planner and my degree required that I do a senior overview. A senior overview is just a fancy way of saying independent study. I had to write a full-length screenplay without any adult supervision. 😉  I feel like the whole purpose of this independent study was to test what I’ve learned but most importantly, to see if I could stay focused and meet deadlines like the “real world” would require of me.

Well, first off, I knew the overview was coming up so I started planning for it back in October of 2016. I came up with a few interesting ideas. I wanted to do something that was reflective of the high school experience now that my college experience was coming to an end and I had four years of distance between me and high school. I found one that I really liked and I started developing the characters and plot. I even started outlining. It was a spunky, edgy, mystery about a girl who died while attending a private boarding school. Everything was going just fine and then the election from hell happened.

After the World Crashed and Burned



“Not to be used for buying elections.”

What can I say? I saw it coming but there was still some part of me that had hope. Maybe it was because it was my first time voting in a presidential election? Maybe it was because I am a millennial and I went to a pretty liberal artsy school? Or maybe it was because I just placed too much weight on the shared human experience? Whatever it was, I wasn’t completely blindsided by the results but I was emotionally wrecked by it…and that’s something that I didn’t aspect to happen. It completely destroyed my mood for writing, for hanging out with friends, for engaging with others. Looking back on it, I can clearly tell that this was depression. And I wasn’t the only one having these feelings. All across the country hundreds of thousands of people were having similar reactions but I would like to point out one thing: we are not sore losers. The election wasn’t just about the people appointed to an office but a war of ideology. And for some of us, this was the first time we truly saw and felt the presence of the “silent majority”.

It changed my social life and the people I hung out with because, after the percentages of who voted and what they voted for came out, certain people on campus stopped hiding or pretending about their political views. It actually caused a lot of tension on campus because everything became extremely politically charged, as it should. The majority of my alma mater’s student population are White Americans but we also have a very large percentage of minority, international students (study abroad or exchange students), and students of non-Christian faith.  And so all of the political rhetoric that we’d been hearing throughout the campaign stage became a real fear for students that the rhetoric was aimed at.

So all the tension on campus coupled with my own internal turmoil made writing a no go. The edgy but upbeat mystery I’d been developing was dead. I couldn’t even bring myself to touch it. I didn’t feel like writing and I couldn’t force myself to write anything happy so I decided to write something sad…but this idea formed in late January of 2017, nearly three months later.

Three Months Later

The story that started to develop in January was very dark and moody. It was about a girl who was dealing with survivor’s guilt after surviving the car crash that killed her sister. Over the course of the months that passed, it went from being a family drama to a character study on how grief affects communities. I was still in my little slump so I really didn’t want to write but as the months moved along, I knew that I needed to write or else I wasn’t going to graduate. So as I put on my big girl pants and tried to force myself to write, life started happening to me. I got a new job, started working and then taking on a lot of hours because the place I worked at was understaffed. I started this blog (all of this is the reason the content for the blog is so fragmented those first three months). Classes started back up which meant that homework and classwork and projects started rolling in. And then all the stuff you needed to do in order to graduate started happening and before I knew it, I had 2 weeks left to write my full-length feature and I only had about 27 pages done and half of an outline.



The outline. I will gladly say that before college, I was a panster but once I went to college and started working on screenplays and teleplays I was forced to outline and I grew to really love it. But not this outline. I have five different versions of this outline. Five. And they’re not small ones either. They all range between seven to eleven pages single-spaced. What can I say, I’m detailed orientated. So, just in case you thought I was slacking, I wasn’t, life just got super busy and I wasn’t decisive and I think that’s the overarching effect of the election on me—lack of direction.

It was hell and then some. I was so excited about graduation but everything was just moving too fast. I had the honors dinner, all the last minute graduation stuff, finals, work, and that damn screenplay. I was overwhelmed and wasn’t getting enough sleep. That lead to me writing about one hundred to two hundred words a day and it wasn’t like I was writing every day either. By the time graduation rolled around, I wasn’t finished with the screenplay and it took most of the joy from graduation and left me with nothing but the stress. Over the next four days, I hunkered down and wrote 58 pages, finishing my senior project five days after the graduation ceremony. By the end of the week, I received my grade and was thankful that I’d passed because it meant that I’d officially graduated. And all the stress and emotions from the school year and graduation drained from me once I realized that I’d passed. I was done. Free. Somewhat whole again.

School’s Out Forever!!!

I did it! I graduated. BA in Scriptwriting. Minor in International Human Rights. Department honors from the Department of Journalism and Communications. First generation college graduate. Yes. I did that.

Honors Dinner:



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My Last Semester of College Has Left Me Feeling Overwhelmed


So, way back in the beginning of the year, I started this blog and then fell off the face of the planet. It’s not because I’m one of those people that start things just to never finish them, although that’s been known to happen from time to time. No. I haven’t blogged because my life went from moving at a snail’s pace to New York City during fashion week and it has been very overwhelming.

I started a new job that requires more time than what I originally thought it would. I’m constantly bouncing between my apartment on campus and my mom’s house because my job is closer to her house and I work nights, mostly. This is sort of important because I don’t have a car, so taking public transportation at night in St. Louis—that’s a, “No, no honey!” I thought that I could balance it all because I am only taking 4 courses and I’m only working 20 hours a week, but it couldn’t. The constant strain of always having to do something and always having to be somewhere was driving me crazy.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of the fact that once I graduate I’ll (hopefully) enter the full-time workforce and you normally have to be somewhere, always doing something, 40 hours a week. And that’s cool. I’ll be fine with that because all I’ll be focused on is my job and maybe a personal writing project. I will not be focused on classes, homework, grades, assignments, work, work-related training and constantly commuting from the city to the county.

(Side note: Have you ever noticed how tired you become after traveling/commuting somewhere? Isn’t it strange? You’re not actively doing the moving, you’re usually sitting in a car/train/bus/boat and yet, you are usually tired afterward. I wonder why.)

Anyway, I graduate from college on May 13. I’m excited about that. I’ve been looking forward to that for years and although I’m unsure about what the future will hold when it comes to how useful my degree is I can honestly say I’m glad I did it. I tried getting a degree in Journalism but I just couldn’t do it. When I was in that program I looked forward to my German courses more than my courses related to my degree. Journalism is a degree field where there are guaranteed jobs, the jobs may not be guaranteed for YOU but they do exist. Film and jobs related to film have to be created in order for you to even attempt to get them. So, I became overwhelmed with the realization that I was getting a degree and getting into debt knowing that I could graduate and never use my degree. That’s a bit stressful. So I decided to get a day job or something I like to call: a practical job. I’m a Membership Service provider at a local YMCA.

I think people get so caught up in trying to work in their degree field when they graduate that they let months and sometimes years go by without getting a job. Sometimes, I feel like we should just swallow our pride and get a job, whether it’s in our degree field or not because it’s the responsible thing to do and we have things to pay for. If you don’t like your job or feel like you paid too much for your education to just let it go to waste, continue looking for a job in your degree field while you’re working your day job/practical job. Be smart. Be humble.

My classes are going fine. I took a self-defense class and although it was short and simple, I do feel safer. I feel like I’m aware of the techniques I could use to defend myself, disarm and disable an attacker, and also walk away from the fight. I’m taking two film studies courses and both of them are related to religion in one way or another…they’re interesting. And I’m doing my senior project. It’s a film about a girl who is dealing with survivor’s guilt after she survives the car crash that killed her sister. And I’m really behind in it. Like, I’ve never been this behind in a project in my life. I’m going to do a separate post on why and how I fell so far behind in that and some people will roll their eyes and think the reasons are stupid and some will truly get it. It’s hard being a creative person. Sure, I’m no painter—I’m a demi-god. I’m a writer and if you don’t think writers’ are demi-gods, answer me this: who else could create entire worlds using only their minds and have millions of people see them as well?

Anyway, if you read this to the end, thank you for letting me vent my frustrations.

If you’re a high school or college senior hit me up in the comment section and let me know what has you overwhelmed.

Also, a message for the people who have followed my blog: I see you and I love you. I will start posting more content; I just had to get my life together first. Plus, I’m going to do some traveling this summer so there will be plenty of posts about that and my post graduation activities.